The Family Blog

Anyone that finds themselves in a situation that involves placing a child for adoption will feel bombarded with dozens of different sensations all at the same time. Whether just faced with an unplanned pregnancy or contemplating your future steps after having given birth to a baby, these are not simple decisions for anyone involved, and perhaps the most important thing is to be assured that adoption is a sensible solution that puts the best interests and the wellbeing of the child first. While paperwork and legal procedures may differ from one state to another, the main point remains the same – adoption is a process through which a distressing situation of the birth parents has the great potential of turning into a wonderful life-changing joy for the adoptive parents – all with the child’s future in mind.

What are the options?

There are three basic options when it comes to placing a child for adoption and adopting a child (importantly, there is variation from state to state on which option is preferred or considered the best for the child): independent adoption, agency adoption and international adoption. Independent adoption does not involve the government or adoption agencies in the process beyond a certain minimum mandated by law to establish that the adoptive parents are a good fit for the child. Agency adoption involves putting the process in the hands of a professional and accredited adoption agency that then works with the parties involved to establish the action plan. International adoption takes place when the child was born in another country (the specifics there would differ from country to country).

Independent or agency?

Setting international adoption as perhaps the most difficult variant aside, we are left with the options of independent and agency adoption. As was noted above, state laws differ in terms of the attitude and approach to independent adoption – in fact, in some states the only option is agency adoption. The positive side of independent adoption is not involving more people than needed in the process. The negative side is, of course, the lack of a strong legal framework and a very subjective adoptive parents screening process. Agency adoption is, by far, the easier route for birth parents to take. There is enough stress in the situation as is – why create additional stress by trying to avoid the help of adoption professionals?

Does the agency decide everything?

Going through an adoption agency does not mean giving up all responsibility for the process. In fact, professional and dynamic adoption agencies do their best to involve the birth parent or parents into the decision-making process as much as possible. As a number of studies have shown that avoiding complete loss of contact between the birth parents’ lives and the life of the child leads to better socialization and interpersonal relationships, some of the more progressive adoption agencies now make it possible to keep in touch with the child after the adoption. While it is the agency’s job to conduct criminal background clearances, income verification and home inspection in regards to the adoptive parents, the ultimate decision on who will adopt the child remains with the birth parents.

What to keep in mind

It is important to know that the adoption process is made much less stressful for the birth mother through working with a fully accredited and experienced adoption agency. In many cases, the mother’s living expenses and medical expenses are fully covered through the agency, so that she can focus on a healthy and positive lifestyle during pregnancy. When researching the agencies, make sure that you do not rush into a decision. Go through the materials provided by the agency and examine their success stories, how many years they have been operating for, the level of control you would have over the adoption process, how open they are with communicating with your on a day to day basis, whether they would be open to supporting your through the pregnancy and so on and so forth. Sensible and time tested options exist that should fit your criteria for a reliable and friendly adoption agency.

The right focus

It is necessary to always keep the focus right. When contemplating and planning placing a child for adoption, it is important to put the child’s best interests, well-being and safety front and center. If an option you are looking at would ensure that the child grows up in a loving home where he or she is already awaited by kind and generous people, listen to your intuition – and then be sure to ask a lot of questions when you contact the agency of your choice.

If you are considering adoption, it is important to know all the facts about the various adoption processes.  While the more common form of adoption is currently international adoption, popularized by its apparent celebrity endorsement, from celebrities like Angelina Jolie and Sandra Bullock to the popular reality series The Little Couple, domestic adoption remains both prevalent and in-demand.

What is domestic adoption?

Domestic adoption refers to the process of adopting the filiations and legal rights and responsibilities of a child or infant from within the same country—in other words, the adopted child is selected from within his or her country of birth.  There are two main forms of domestic adoption:

1) An identified agency placement is a form of domestic adoption which takes place when the birth mother relinquishes her parental rights to a licensed domestic adoption agency.  The agency then places the baby with the selected adoptive parent(s), in some cases directly from the hospital; however, the adoption agency maintains legal custody of the baby until the placement is assessed and deemed to be appropriate and the adoption is finalized.

2) An independent infant domestic adoption, or direct placement adoption, occurs when a birth mother selects the adoptive parents and gives them direct physical and legal custody of the baby without the involvement of an agency.  An assessment of the adoptive placement is still required before the adoption can be finalized, but these are generally handled by adoption attorneys and independent social workers.  Independent adoptions can be streamlined, and can provide the opportunity for a more customized adoption plan to take place.  Many adoptions in which an alternative family member takes custody of the infant fall under this category.

How common is domestic adoption?

As the popularity of international adoption continues to rise, a number of myths have begun to surface surrounding domestic adoption.  One such myth suggests that the availability of domestic infants in need of adoption is dwindling.  In actuality, while 19,000 infants are available internationally for adoption each year, a minimum of 20,000 infants under the age of one year are placed for adoption each year in the United States alone.  Of these infants, less than 1,500 are adopted each year, leaving thousands of infants to be entered into foster care.

What are some other common misconceptions about domestic adoption?

Another common misconception surrounding domestic adoption includes the length of wait time.  While a popular myth suggests that the wait time for adoption takes around 5 years, a more realistic wait time ranges from one to two years.  This length of time accounts for the amount of time it takes to match the baby to his or her potential parents, as well as the assessments and legal proceedings which are required to take place before the adoption can be finalized.  In many cases, the adoptive parents can attain physical custody of the child before all of the legalities of the adoption process are finalized.  While the myth seems to suggest that the parents, seeking to adopt an infant, are finally awarded physical custody of a 5-year old child, depending on the type of domestic adoption selected, it is often possible for the parents to take their newly adopted infant directly home from the hospital.  In certain circumstances, given the respective comfort levels of both the biological and adoptive parent(s), as with open adoption, it is even possible for the adoptive parents to attend doctor appointments with the pregnant biological mother, allowing contact and involvement throughout all stages of the child’s life.

For more information regarding the common myths and misconceptions of domestic adoption, consult Eliza Newlin Carney’s The Truth About Domestic Adoption.

In the United States, each state and territory contains different laws and procedures surrounding the domestic adoption process.  These laws affect not only how a biological parent can relinquish their parental rights, but also when a birth parent can legally consent to an adoption.  While the biological father can relinquish his parental rights beforehand, the birth mother cannot legally consent to an adoption until after the baby is born—even if an adoptive family has already been chosen.  A waiting period ranging from 1 day to 2 weeks is required before the birth mother can give consent; however, the average wait time lasts 3 days, after which point the adoption can be finalized.

Of course, essentially, the question in the title of this article is one that can only be answered by you. Only you would know how you feel about adoption in general. Only you would be able to summarize the information that you already have in order to see what data gaps you have that would prevent you from making an informed and coherent decision. Only your heart will tell you the way, and yet it is important to point out that the very fact that you are reading this would indicate that adoption definitely is on the table. Adoption is not easy, but here are a few pointers to help you consider what it is, what it involves, and what the deeper meaning of adoption is when you put the focus on the well being of the child above anything else.

You are not alone

When thinking about adoption, it is crucial to remember that you are not alone in this. Thousands upon thousands of people (www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/censr-6.pdf) put babies up for adoption or adopt children in every given year here in the United States and throughout the world. Any stigma or incomprehension that may have existed about adoption in the previous centuries should be completely forgotten and considered inappropriate, as adoption is certainly not a detestable or shameful or illegal practice, but rather is one that brings people together in ensuring the best outcome for the child in question. Thus, anyone suggesting that putting a child up for adoption is a negative or destructive step has their priorities mixed up – the issue at hand here is what is best for the child, and the best is of course a loving and caring home. If the birth parent or parents are unprepared or unable to go through with the upbringing of the child, the logical, sensible, heartfelt, human and caring way to go forward certainly includes considering adoption as an option.

Types of adoption

In considering whether adoption is right for your individual case, and having set aside any preconceptions or taboo feelings about adoption, it is necessary to consider the different options in front of you. The two basic approaches to adoption would be open and closed adoption. In the closed scenario, which has been more traditional and has a longer history, the birth parent or parents do not get to meet the adoptive parents; anonymity and confidentiality are the top priority, and the future life of the adopted child is a mystery for the birth parents (just as the life of the birth parents remains hidden from the child for years or for their lifetime).

The open adoption scenario is something that is becoming more increasingly popular and understood – a number of studies have shown that social integration, self-confidence and other psychological issues receive a positive boost as a result of open adoption, a process in which the birth parents and the adoptive parents join together in a celebration of the child’s birth as opposed to not knowing about each other. In the most advanced open adoption scenarios, the birth parents continue to receive information about the child and may even be in constant contact with the adoptive family. Knowing where they came from and who their birth parents are helps children in their social development throughout their lifetime, while any feelings of guilt or inadequacy are extinguished early on.

Things to know about adoption

If you are considering putting a child up for adoption, you should know that professional adoption agencies are available to help you on a continuous basis with this difficult but reaffirming process. Accommodations, medical bills, and other needs may often be met by the adoptive parents and the adoption agency so the birth parents can focus on the child instead of stressful situations. Whichever type of adoption you choose, a professional adoption agency would be able to give 24/7 support, answers to questions and recommendations. Going through an adoption agency ensures that the adoptive family is carefully chosen through several stages of screening, criminal checks, and other processes. As a result, the child is placed with a loving and caring family that will ensure their happy childhood, teenage years and adolescence.

When thinking about whether adoption is right for you, you need to consider calmly and clearly whether keeping the child is an option. If bringing up the child is impossible, seriously consider participating in the miracle that is adoption – people coming together in their love of the child to ensure that their well being and happiness are the top priority and the only major focus.